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The Importance of sleep 2

The Importance of Sleep 2: A world record is broken!

    This is the first time I have ever written a sequel. I am not sure I can contain my excitement.
    Actually, the reason I was inspired to write this is because as I arrived at work the other morning, a man called Tony Wright had just successfully set a new world sleep-deprivation record of 266 hours, or just over 11 days. That is crazy. The previous record had stood for over 40 years- there was obviously nobody stupid enough to want to try and break it.
    Anyway, I saw the proud world record holder Tony emerging from the venue for his world record attempt, The Studio Bar, bright and early. There were BBC vans parked outside. I actually then realised the true importance of sleep- to stop people assuming you are a zombie and wanting to shoot you, like some computer game. The poor bugger looked like a corpse with hair. Lots and lots of hair actually. Tony clearly doesn’t frequent the barber shop.
    The dedication required to stay awake for that long is beyond recognition. I once stayed up on my own for hours to watch the Lennox Lewis Versus Hasim Rahman heavyweight title fight. I was so tired my eyes where stinging, so I decided to rest them for a few seconds- next thing I know I am woken up by the commentator shouting about an upset- it turns out Lewis was chinned by a haymaker from Rahman and had to give up his belts for a few months until he won them back. I missed the only thing I had put myself through sheer optical agony for!
    That was me being awake for perhaps 24 hours, and I was a failure. In fact, there was once a time I successfully stayed awake for 36 hours. My old friend Ben and I stayed up all night to go fishing at our local pond at first light. We did, and we even caught plenty of fish, so I suppose by some barometer it was a success. However, by the time I got home that evening, at perhaps 7pm I was dog-tired. I went straight to sleep and was out cold for 13 hours.
    I think from these two examples it is clear my body was not designed with 48-hour benders in mind. Certainly not without the help of illicit drugs anyway (which, by the way, I have never taken and wouldn’t condone the use of- just in case anyone decides to press charges)!
    I wondered what the motivation for staying awake for over 11 days could possibly be- was it money? Women? Fame? Who knows? A bit of research revealed it was actually for…A STUDY! Are you kidding me, Tony? In my university days I can hand on heart say I did not even entertain the idea of doing something requiring even a billionth of that dedication for my study. In fact, I did the exact opposite- in my first and second years there were days when I would over-sleep for my 12pm lectures! Somewhat different to my early starts now I am a respectable member of society.
    I would imagine if you rounded up a few thousand students and asked them would they fancy staying awake that long, you would be looked at through tired, bloodshot eyes. You would probably even have had to wake them up to ask the question in the first place. Students, you see, sleep a lot. I would estimate they sleep more than a hibernating hedgehog in fact. I bet the sleep a student acquires during his or her time in university would be sufficient for the rest of their life, if you could perhaps store it like a bank, making withdrawals when they are tired. There would be people in their eighties still using sleep credit they gained during university.
    Going back to Tony, I read in the local newspaper this week that he was feeling tired from…..TOO MUCH SLEEP!
    Seriously, you couldn’t make it up.
    Anyway, on that note, I am off to bed.

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