Yesterday I Did Something Stupid

Yesterday I Did Something Stupid: Sometimes, we must learn to say NO.

    I agreed to run a Marathon for charity.
    Now, don’t get me wrong, I am all for giving to charity- unfortunately there are many people in the world who were not dealt the best hand from the pack. If through my endeavours, be them sporting, culinary or just plain lazy those less fortunate can be helped in some way, then I am more than happy to do something worthwhile.
    But a marathon?
    A marathon course is 26.2 miles from beginning to end. Roughly translated, that means long. I previously have travelled similar distances using train and automobile. Not once have I considered the journey on foot. Not even for a second. I now find myself thinking ahead to a winter of plodding along, mile after mile just so I can develop the speed and endurance to avoid the man in the chicken costume or the woman in a nurse outfit.
    The first person to ever run a marathon (it is widely believed) was a Greek bloke called Pheidippides. You know what happened to him? He died. Right there on the spot. You would think that alone is enough to stop someone else undertaking a similar feat. Alas, it didn’t. In fact is seems to have encouraged even more people to run this ridiculous distance. Last year 32.983 people finished the London marathon alone.
    The problem with training for a marathon is the time it takes- you can’t train for that kind of distance with three half-hour sessions per week. It takes a special kind of idiot to give up most of their leisure time to go running. Until now, I have not been one of them. If I am honest, the thought of running through the Cornish fog on a February morning hardly fills me with excitement. I think I would rather dig my own eyeballs out with a spoon than navigate the steaming piles of cow shit that seem to litter the fields here. If that is not bad enough, a quick search for potential injuries revealed this list….
    Hip Bursitis
    Snapping Hip Syndrome (owww)
    Iliotibial Band Syndrome
    Pulled Hamstring
    Patellofemoral Syndrome
    Dislocating Kneecap
    Plica Syndrome
    Shin Splints
    Stress Fractures
    Exercise Induced Compartment Syndrome
    Ankle Sprain
    Achilles Tendonitis
    Plantar Fasciitis
    Overpronation
    Arch Pain
    Dizziness and nausea
    Blisters
    Joggers nipple
    That was a quick search. I won’t do a thorough search through pure fear. I don’t want to know what other joys await me. If even my nipples are at risk, then frankly I don’t want to know what else could go wrong. It’s just not worth it.
    I visit a Chiropractor and a Kinesiologist on a regular basis. Between them, they have agreed I have an anatomical short leg. My right leg is approximately 6mm shorter than my left leg, but depending on muscle tension, there can be anything up to an INCH difference! I wear a special wedge-like device in my shoe to level me out- I wonder how well that will cope with over 26 miles of running? If I am entering a marathon with an existing anatomical problem, I shudder to think what I am going to finish it with. It’s kind of like a prize draw- I have bought my ticket, now I just need to know my ‘prize’.
    I’m guessing it won’t be a winner’s medal.
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One Response

  1. I’ll be watching out for your training log, I think you should start soon; but I won’t be signing up for the marathon myself.

    I may just sponsor you instead.

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